April 29, 2012

  • Let’s talk about women’s “periods.”


     

            Aunt Flo


       Most of my life, I have been surrounded by females and their biological dilemmas. My mom, girlfriends, assorted fiancés, wife, daughter and four grand daughters. When I was a younger man, I knew not to broach the subject, but now, that I’m older than Batman, I don’t give an Eskimo shit!

       I want to discuss the female curse. Not the in-laws, but the menstrual cycle….the dreaded PERIOD! During my life, I have stood witness to it’s victims and their physiological consequences. Cramps, the Jekyll & Hyde syndrome (PMS), required sanitation accessories, emotional space from most of the human race and an overall lack of sexiness.

       First off, I understand the physiology of the female menstrual cycle. I was properly educated and often understood it better than those around me, but that didn’t mean crap because I was a male and during Aunt Flo’s visit, all males were considered stupid and useless except for running to the store and getting “plugs“. It was better that way any how.

       This incredible phenomenon only occurs in humans, Chimpanzee and whales. God must have been tripping that day. The cycles often begin around 12 or so and may last until the very early fifties. Then the female species morphs into Beelzebub, the menopause beast. (That’s for another blog). Anyhow…..men are useless during these cycles and in most cases it’s best to just stay in the garage until called.

       The taboos associated with this event are numerous and mostly directed towards men. But the two main ones are; first….don’t get any frisky ideas and second….stay away from the clothes hamper. There are heavy duty pads, tampons, thin pads with wings, thin pads without wings, Midol, booze and spray bottles of Shout which have been the only recourse during this century. But the history of ‘that time of the month’ sanitation goes all the way back to the early Egyptians who used the first type of wood and cloth tampon and later in 1921, Kotex marketed (by mail only) sawdust filled sanitary pads.

       During my youthful years, there were two things I dreaded most from my girlfriends. Hearing them say, “It’s my leak week,” or “I’m late!” God, I’m glad those days are over,( four decades ago).

       Now, let me say that a great many women just take it in stride as part of everyday life and I commend them respectfully. All I know is, if Mr. Wally started leaking blood for a week every month…..I would totally freak!


               Below is a better explanation of a female’s menstrual cycle;

     

     


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