October 23, 2012

• Old Farts and Life Insurance……

      OLD FART INSURANCE

     

      I had a sobering awaking a couple of months ago. Let me start by saying, that I personally have several life insurance policies. One that will cover my home, one to take care of my family and a small one for @deblove_u, who emailed me on Blogster not long ago and sent me some nice pics from her homeland. As strange as it may sound, I also had a policy on my dog, but found out too late it didn‘t cover FedEx trucks.

      Okay, I straying from my ‘sobering awaking.’ It seems that when I turned 65 this year, that ALL my life insurance policies decreased their benefits by 32%!! My car insurance went up $200 a year and my auto mechanic now wants to be paid in advance when he fixes my car……most depressing. It seems that I have been reclassified! I feel like the Grey Spotted Swamp Goat, that’s been placed on the endangered species list, except I’m not protected or worshiped by PETA.

      When I eventually turn 70, my policies will devalue an additional 20%. At that rate, by the time I hit 90, my combined inheritance won’t buy a cheese burger at Wendy’s. If I had to retro-flex my life, (I made that word up), I would have skipped the insurance premiums and bought gold instead. Taking just the total premiums I would have made over the last 20 years, and calibrating for the gold market over those years, I would now have twice the value of all my current policies. Then, unfortunately, when my gizzard finally conks out or I choke on a chicken wing at HOOTER’S, the IRS will then determine how much of that gold wealth will be available to my beneficiaries.

      But, alas….hindsight is about as useless as a condom dispenser at a biker bar. Facts are facts. The older you get, the more expendable you become and eventually a liability. It sucks, but, I’m a realistic pragmatist and I know the government classifies old farts as ‘tax depleted,’ untrainable for combat and unreliable as a voter. But, I know I need to go with the flow and just take life as it comes. In the event I come across a bump in the road, well then, I’ll trip over it and sue the friggin crap out of the county and then bequeath the settlement to my beneficiaries. Payback can be a geriatric bitch.

   

  I really am in good shape as far as life insurance. I just wrote this to throw off the in-laws……..Charlie

  • 4:57 pm
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