Monday, 13 August 2012
I was in my backyard last night contemplating. The cheap-arse tiki torches that Wifey bought at Wally World were smoking away and giving off about as much light as a dysfunctional fire fly. I was stretched out on my favorite lounge chair, looking up at the night sky. I started to snooze off, when the clink of my beer bottle hitting the ground and colliding with the other empties, brought me to focus.
I looked up at the heavens and thought….why the hell is it called the “heavens?” We’ve been in space for most of forty years plus and yet to have a shuttle captain call back to earth and report….“HOUSTON….WE HAVE AN ANGEL”. Anyway…..I started thinking about my favorite non-sober subject....Is there intelligent life out there? If there is, where are they and why are they hiding from us? Are they afraid of us? Maybe our planet is a no-fly zone. Multi task thinking makes me thirsty.
For the best part of a century; man has assumed, verified, been abducted by, mated, prophesied and bore witness to extraterrestrial intelligence. My sober answer is “There’s nothing out there!” My snoot full answer is “Yes, they’re out there, but who with any kind of intelligence would want to come here??”
Most likely they have tapped into our wave links and cosmic beams and watched our political conventions, reruns of ‘Seinfeld’ and movies like ‘Jackass’. That is, if they have just recently found and started observing us. If they have been here for a while, then they had front row seats for two world wars and a nice dozen or so mini conflicts with a lot of booms and crackle. Who in their right minds would ever want to come to a planet where every other country is scattered with land mines? Our species, from youth, has been indoctrinated to kill virtually everything! After thousands of hours of watching TV and playing video games, we got it mastered!! It is daunting to realize that the most intelligent creature on this planet will kill, breed or eat anything that moves.
Most likely there is intelligence out there and in all likelihood they are angels. The odds are….we won’t see them until we’ve done our job of annihilating each other. On the last day, at the last moment when the last two remnants of the human race are fighting to the death over a stale brownie…..they will finally expose themselves. Gathered together on the scared plains of this planet, the angels will survey the stark carnage and waste of man. The senior and most illustrious of the angels will look up into the heavens and cry out in a thunderous voice...."Okay, Saint Ralph....bring in the next bunch!”
I think of things like this when I’m sloshed.