Monday, 03 September 2012
If you are close to 40, or even a little older, you might think this is hilarious! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning....up hill!.….barefoot...BOTH ways? yadda, yadda, yadda. And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! Well...that's bullshit! Now that I'm older than cave cheese, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. YOU‘VE GOT IT FRIGGIN EASY!! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! Plus, there was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a freakin letter - with a freakin pen! Then you had to walk all the way to the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Back then, Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends, also had permission to kick our ass if we stepped out of line, because Child Protective Services only looked into cases of child cannibalism.
There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shop lift it yourself! Phones?? I’ll tell you about damn phones! We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, and tough shit! There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you were on your own. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OMG !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with your BFF 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are while your totally engrossed in butchering the English language in order to let someone know where you are every moment of the freakin day!!!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your freakin chances, dude!
We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had "Pong". Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... FOREVER!! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on your 22” TV! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the damn channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! The closest thing to a remote we had was my little brother who had to sit in front of the TV and change one of the three stations when needed. There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-farts!!
And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up , we had to use the stove! Holy Betty Crocker!! Imagine that! The dish washer was whomever's turn it was to stand on the stool in front of the sink. And our parents told us to stay outside and play....all day long. There were no electronics to soothe and comfort our mushy minds. And if you came back inside....you were doing chores!
And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got her arm across your chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot-gun" in the first place!
You snot sleeves have got it too easy today. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or any time before because the first time any of you said you never heard of “American Bandstand”....they would have arrested you as a Russian spy!
Grand Pappy Charlie