Saturday, 22 September 2012
I first met the future Mrs. Wifey at the Geisha Fun Farm back in the previous century. She worked the midnight to four a.m. shift on the pole and was well respected for her disjointed gyrations. I was back in the States following a security tour in Somalia and just needed some down time before heading to Aspen with a few friends…………….Okay, some of this is a lie. Fact is, I met my intended in a grocery store where she worked the wine isle stocking and making orders. She saw me in my uniform and was impressed with all my citations and rank. I wore my Employee of the Month pin, Three Year Service tie tack and over my name badge was embroidered the words Asst. Manager. All quite impressive.
She came on to me first, by giving me a smile and then walking over and asking could she help me. I could see the hunger in her eyes and she was panting somewhat. “Oh, I thought I’d get a bottle of wine to have with my dinner tonight,” I lied.
“What are you having this evening?” she asked, obviously wanting to know if I was a meat eater.
“Country fried steak and collard greens.”
“Well,” she stammered, “We do have a very nice domestic beer to go with that.” Right off she impressed the crap out of me! I had already decided on that very thing and it was like she read my freakin mind!
“Yes, I believe I will get that very thing,” I said. She smiled and then returned to her work. As she walked away, it was like a ship sailing out of the harbor of my heart. I scoped out her main beam and rudder assembly and fell in love. After that day, I decided to start drinking wine and visited her isle every day to purchase and learn all about wine. After six months of drinking a bottle of wine every night and two come Saturday and Sunday, I was admitted to Pasco county rehab for five weeks. After I was released, we became close and after a time I finally asked her to become my wife. She turned me down, with tears in her eyes, and said she had accepted a job in Miami as a pole dancer at the ‘Flopping Dolphin’……….Okay, maybe this is a little over the top. Fact is, I did meet her in a grocery store, down the wine isle. I just added the other stuff because I lie a lot……and she’s learned to live with it.