Wednesday, 26 September 2012
MY NEW DOCTOR IS A BABY DOCTOR!
Went to my doctor not long ago. He’s a good and somewhat intelligent doctor, but it seems like when you become older than your doctors, it’s just harder to trust their skills considering that some of your ailments are older than they are. I kept wanting to call him sonny or some cute nickname like Sabu. Anyway, the kid sat me down and gave me a lecture. He told me that my arteries were getting tighter than a squirrel’s anus and that my blood pressure was 180 over rigor mortis. We discussed what I ate, which caused him to squint and grimace several times and then I told him my exercise consisted of me going out to the mailbox each day, (and back), and the twenty or so trips I quickly make to the bathroom from sunup to sundown.
The conclusion of my consultation was a prescription, a lecture on my diet, a bogus flu shot and a promise from me that I would start taking daily walks around my neighborhood. I thanked Sabu and as I drove home, (via KFC), I made a commitment to start exercising.
I have been taking my daily walks for a week now. What I have rediscovered is the joy of breathing fresh air again. Smelling the fragrance of blooming flowers, car exhaust and pollen clouds. Every dog in my extended neighborhood has a vendetta out for me and all the mothers run out to remove their children from the yard when I walk by. Times have changed.
I wave at folks working in their yards and they look away like they’re afraid I’m looking for help or I’m a Jehovah Witness. All same, I still wave and keep waddling on keeping an eye open for the next canine assault. Once in a while a UPS or mail truck will play ‘Road Warrior’ with me or some young teen will be out cruising looking for a geriatric hood ornament. I must stay ninja ready the entire time.
Once I’ve concluded my daily excursion, I return home and replenish my electrolytes with a fermented beverage. I sit back in my recliner and relax as I pick assorted insectoids out of my beard that took refuse during my walk. I know it’s important to stay active at my age and I know doctor sonny has my best intentions at heart, but maybe I can just pay someone to drop by each day to move my legs for me while I watch reruns of Seinfeld.