If I had three wishes…….

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November 20, 2011

If I had three wishes…….

IF I HAD THREE WISHES

We all know the story of Aladdin and the lamp’s Jenie. Aladdin had a greater dilemma than most folks realize. Putting myself in his slippers I wonder what “my” three wishes would have been? Understanding that these three “events” would be unfettered and universal in any and all changes and consequences. What would I demand of the genie?

WISH NO. 1.………Forget world peace. As nature is not at peace, ergo, man will never be at peace. Death and destruction is an apocalyptic horse that nature rides every day. The world heaves and crumbles hourly taking lives by the millions. The subordinate species such as lions, wolves and anything with sharp teeth will always feed based on a violent act. OK…..I know, you’re thinking about the warring nature of mankind. The indiscriminant destruction of human life for reasons of ideology, power and resource. Then my first wish would be the elimination of the culprits; “ideology”, “power” and “resource“. The problem with that is it would take all three wishes and I have a selfish need for at least one of them. So, my first wish would be… “THE ELIMINATION OF ALL IDEOLOGY”. Without ideology there can be no religion (did I just hear a gasp??). No holy books or sacred manuscripts? No self ordained prophets and, alas, all monumental structures and iconic bric-à-brac will fall to dust as have all since the beginning of man (refer to nature). Our species will be given the wonderful gift and excitement of each finding God in their own way with no strings attached.

WISH NO. 2.……….This wish has taken a lot of thought. The upheaval of a poorly thought out wish can be disastrous in that it may require the third wish to correct and if the bad wish, once corrected, left any damage, I could be held at fault and jailed or sued….off tract…..anyway, I believe my second wish should be, “THE WORLD WOULD BE GOVERNED BY THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!” The planet would be divided into 6 leagues with each league having up to 30 countries and each country having one team to represent them. The Japanese team would not be allowed to use Sumo wrestlers. Each league would have a Commissioner and a Hall of Famer as Prime minister. If there was an issue between two countries, well then, the respective teams would play a game and the dispute resolved. Revenue (taxes) would be collected solely from the sale of season tickets, concessions and lucrative TV & cable contracts. Each year a “UN BOWL” would be the final destination for the best among the top world teams of the NFL, one from each league and the final winning league would rule the planet for one year in regards to trade, dress codes, health care, types of music, etc. Under this form of government certain laws would be mandated. Free agents would be considered traitors……any team with less than 4 wins that season, the coach would be imprisoned and the quarterback sent to death roll with the free agents. Baseball would be played in third world countries only.

WISH NO. 3.….…..This wish would need to be at a more personal level. I could wish that all members of my family would live long and healthy lives, but the problem is that I have a few extended relatives that if they don’t die in the next few years I may very well do them in myself! That won’t work, so maybe get all my hair back?…..for what? Cause the chicks will like it? All my missing teeth grow back?…..so I can sit around in pain teething like a baby all day?? Make my wife young again?….what kind of demands would she make on me then? Great wealth?……..most likely have a heart attack at the ATM the first time I withdraw. A regulated time each day when nature makes her call for me to do my business?….nope, I like surprises too much. Now into my sixties I don’t need a makeover. Soooooo.…with the most concentrated mental effort I’ve decided my last wish would be a “A LA-Z-BOY RECLINER!” It would be the best model the Chinese could make. Zebra striped to camouflage dirt and stains. Side pockets for my remote and pistachios and a flip out drink holder. I would also have a built in butt and back vibrator. I live in Florida so no heat elements are needed. My comfort zone…..my safe little corner of the world……my throne!

THE FINAL ANALYSIS……..Sundays I could stay home all day cause there won’t be any church. I can watch football for at lease 12 straight hours at a sitting in my vibrating La-Z-Boy. Life would be good.