May 8, 2012
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It took me years to learn all this crap!!
Wisdom is a wise thing….On occasion, after my morning medications, my mind tends to take flight and after being MIA for a while, it will often return with assorted cerebral epiphanies. Below are a number of, what Wifey calls, Charlie-isms. These are a number of reflections and observations, that I have regurgitated through the years to enlighten my kids and grandkids about the pitfalls and dilemmas of life.
LIFE….
The only idiot bigger than the idiot who knows it all is the idiot who argues with him.
A guy’s mind is like his zipped up fly. It’s only serves a purpose if he opens it on occasion.
A woman’s hair has only been two colors….the color it is today and the color that’s lost to living memory.
When it comes to friends….life is like a Porta Potty….they’re always glad to see you when they’re desperate, but then after they dump on you, they just leave.
Sometimes I think God wrote life to be a comedy….the problem is, most of the key actors suck at it.
I tend to ask Wifey’s advice when I already know the answer, but wish I didn’t.
Bad taste is stating the truth before most people are ready for it.
Teens relish the opportunity to rebel and ignore….that’s what parents were created for.
By being righteous and doing what’s proper, it will satisfy some people and often astonish the hell out of the rest.
Women have different standards than guys, like they don’t fart, they have vaporous expulsions….my standards smells the same as their’s, but what do I know?
There’s only one thing worst than a nagging wife….having your testicles ran through a Vegematic and then exposing them to rats….yea, that’s about right.
SEX….
I have always been careful about my sex drive….but my steering wheel still gets in the way.
Flirting is a lot like fishing….you always need good bait, but don’t always expect to mount every catch.
I think prostitution should be legalized one day a year….Super Bowl Sunday….then Wifey will be glad I’m home watching football.
In my wasted youth, I found that the difference between a cheap motel and a resort….was usually the price of the hookers.
A one night stand after a really long night of drinking, is like having a huge banquet….nobody feels like leftovers later.
I have a lot more, but most of them refer to politicians and require crude references to animals and body parts. As it is, Wifey feels this is more than enough Charlie-isms, as too much wisdom can often cause a constipation of thoughts.
Comments (13)
some of these cracked me up
wise unccharlie indeed
i like the “in my wasted youth…”
“I think prostitution should be legalized one day a year….Super Bowl Sunday….then Wifey will be glad I’m home watching football.“
haha these were funny but i liked this most of all.
can you disable the auto play?
if you do, I’ll come read
@DivaJyoti - Don’t go away! Turn off the sound on your keyboard, Diva. Still a problem let me know and I’ll be glad to turn it off for a while…Charlie
The one about bad taste. . . Thanks for sharing.
I can’t turn it down on my keyboard right now, you can put up a list that lets us opt to hear if we want.
snort. wise and amusing. great start for a tuesday morning.
Funny, true and wise all at the same time.
Good morning! I
really
enjoyed this post! Thanks for the first laugh of the day!
your first Charlie-ism is a version of what my husband always says “you can’t win a game of wits with a fool.”
The second one really cracks me up! I’d like to hear more of your Charlie-isms.
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everything is crap, even life.
my life, i dun like my life, it is so sick..
Now these are good and gave me and hubby a chuckle:)