May 14, 2012
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Is There A Hell….??
RESERVATIONS?I wrote about Heaven not long ago and now I feel the necessity to flip the coin and relate my views about Hell…..“God’s outhouse.” Naturally, I don’t want to commit my observations solely to just Heaven or Hell, as I have friends in both places, so I will simply offer my restrictive opinion to both, with Hell taking it‘s turn at bat.
To start with, more people believe in a celestial Heaven, than they do in the noxious pits of Hades. The “Old Testament” mentions the word over 31 times, but the word or words were often translated from Hebrew words meaning pit, grave, abode of the dead and dark crevasse. In the “New Testament,” of the King James Version, Hell is translated from the Greek word “Hades” in 10 different places. The King James Version also uses the word “Hell” or “Hellfire” 12 times from the translated Greek word “Gehenna” which refers to a desolate pit where children were once sacrificed in the kingdom of eon. Seems no one could make up their minds about the logistics of the place, so the scribing monks pretty much tagged it as Hell and went to the next chapters.
Well, so much for the lesson in linguistic anthropology. The fact is…..there is still a lot of head scratching about this all inclusive resort. We know it’s a bad place for your complexion and was created for all the evil people and educated atheist. There is, of course, a long list of qualified applicants, from unreformed dick-headed socialist to serial killing crack-hoes. Politicians and lawyers occupy most of the best real estate there, located by scenic lava flows and pus fountains. Dignitaries abound, such as Enron’s Kenneth Lay serving as grand marshal in the annual “Das Führer Day” parade. There are also long lines of ‘ordained’ pedophiles awaiting their turn at the sacred alter of the Castratum Vegematicum, and currently a mosquito filled sauna is being prepared for the arrival of Craig Gilbert, the creator of the first TV reality show. Yes, there are many more purged souls in it’s confines and I imagine there’ll be crowd control issues once the last of the old hippies take that final toke as they trip into mellow oblivion.
The devil…..Many have a strange visualization of what the Godfather of Hell looks like. Some see him as a sweltering giant of crimson sludge with blazing coals for eyes and with massive horns spearing meters into the air. His fiery breath flambéing the flesh off your bones as he bellows at you. I think, in true reality, that the devil looks more like Richard Simmons on steroids. Jumping from one outcrop to another, rocking with the oldies like Splish Splash or Flying Purple People Eaters. His little short horns, flaming afro and bouncing man-breast. Scary.
One misconception, I hear too often, is that marriage is really Hell and, of course, in some rare occasions even Heaven. Through my many years of observing married friends, reality shows and acquaintances, I have found that marriage is more often a purgatory for many with Hell being a welcomed recess.
Comments (6)
The way that I see it, I just don’t think hell exists. If G-d is all powerful and all knowing, there should be no one, no being that could even match up to him or even have his own opposite domain.
Good post
A lot of people must be thinking about this in some moment of their lives, not many are willing to cover such a “touchy”subject.
Hell is actually any place on earth where either fundamentalist religious fanatics or ruthless dictators hold political power. They are pretty much interchangeable except that the former holds power just a bit tighter because they manage to convince their hapless masses (or are themselves convinced) that god is on their side. Cromwells England was such a place as is the Islamic Republic of Iran. I have lived there. I wouldn’t wish that fate on my worst enemy… except, of course, for the power mongers themselves, just so they could know what it feels like.
@Ampbreia -
Cromwell’s place in English history is an excellent example!
@Orlei - You’re right….needed three beers before I posted it.
We don’t need to worry to much about going to hell. Last time I check booking there, Osama bin Ladin and his cronies hold all reservations there and more to come, once these Guatanamo trials are gone and done with.
I believe in another world better than the one we live in here on Earth and that hell is here where we learn our lessons, or not.