May 19, 2012

• I’m Just A Piece Of Meat….to women!

  EYE CANDY

      Many of you have wondered, I am sure, what it’s like to be a sex symbol at my age. Well, it’s damn stressful and at times a curse! Anytime I go out in public I’m inundated with covert stares and lascivious innuendos! Imagine, if you can…..going to the grocery store and while I’m leaning over the rhubarb display, there will be discreet eyes watching my every twist and strain. Female raptors drooling while I squeeze and inhale the pungent aroma of firm Peruvian tomatoes.

      As I shop down the ‘adult diaper’ aisle I know there are those behind me admiring my ample buttocks and praying I might initiate a precision “wedgy” adjustment. But, I know they are there, watching with panting breaths and I deny them the event.

      I put in an order for sliced salami with the deli clerk and she coolly checks me over and then asks if I would like my salami soft or hard. I tell her to make it hard salami and she swoons and drops the loaf into the cream cheese and lox.

      Later in the meat department I’m surrounded by raspy voiced whispers about prime choice and comments like “I’d love to grill that!” Degrading.

      Finally, I finish my shopping and check out with my few items. The cashier asks if I want paper or plastic and I say I don’t care and then she advises the use of plastic for protection. The young college girl doing the bagging asks if I want her to take it out for me and that she would be happy to. I’m indignant and tell her if anybody’s going to take it out it’ll be me! She then replies by saying, if you’re worried about the tip, don’t….the manager won’t allow us to touch them.

      I quickly grab my few groceries and leave the store. Outside, as I’m standing on the curb, a “Goth” girl with a skull tattoo on her forehead asks if I need any help with my bag. I hasten to my car and quickly dump my groceries in the backseat. I am emotionally depleted. On the ride home, I pull into a Burger King drive thru and before I can order, the young lady on the other side of the speaker asks, “A Whooper in a fresh bun would be nice today.”

  
  

  　

   

   

   

  • 2:39 pm
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