May 29, 2012

• Viagra, Sex and Peanut Butter

  Nature’s Curse

  
  

      When old elephants know it’s time, they seek out some secret valley to go die in. Whales beach themselves, old grizzly bears find ancient caves to demise in and liberals self implode.  They all know when their time is up and as did the generations before them, they accept their fate and succumb to it. Humans, on the other hand, don’t know when to give up. We medicate, transplant, enhance, liposuc and dress ourselves to remain socially young and viable. But, often all the efforts in the world means nothing if the Greek god veneer can’t compensate for a “leaner wiener.”  After years of recreational, as well as physical abuse, spontaneous blood infusions, aggressive bike riding and belly flops off the diving board….the appendage, known as Mr. Wally, has now packed his bag and is also looking for the genitalia graveyard. So…..what’s to do?

      Sex is still essential, if only mental. Sure, life without sex might be saner, but it would be most esuriently dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women alluringly beautiful, and men appear to be courageous and noble. If we were to lose those allures, we would be reduced to the level of wandering goats.

      In your senior years, think of a fancy cocktail party as life and the hors d’oeuvre tray as sex. You now take only a few select samplings, so pick the best ones and skip the Velveeta spreads.  Sex, in your later years, should be caviar and Romanian goat cheese…..not peanut butter on a Ritz! Just pick the right morsel and at the right moment. 

      Now the dilemma. The man is either Erectus Maximas, or he is Erectus Limpnus. Here we introduce the magic potion known as Viagra. The stiffacator used by millions of phallic challenged males all over the world.  Old “blue” has resurrected many a love life as well as the self-esteem of numerous geezers. Now, the old fellow can get to talking dirty in the bedroom again instead of just hearing it on the phone at $4 dollars a minute. Wives are now content again, but with only one drawback; There’s a lot of men folk that wake up aroused in the morning. It’s like a curse, we can’t help it. We just wake up in a breeding mode. Now, I know women are thinking, “Why the hell does he want me the way I look in the morning?” Well, the fact is, it’s because the male libido has transferred all available blood supplies to the southern hemisphere of the male body and away from the optic nerve.

      It’s interesting how, as many believe, God gifted us all with a wondrous body, but the Devil stuck on the goodies.

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  • 11:49 am
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