June 19, 2012

• Understanding A Woman’s Body…..(for dummies)

       THE FIRST STEP IS NOT TO BE AFRAID! 

   

      First, let me quickly state that I am not an expert on the complexities of the female anatomy, erogenous zones, or the Oktoberfest of hormones that ravage their bodies. However, I have had extensive experience with the emotional spectrum of the female psyche called P.M.S., and I don’t recommend that Amazonian journey for any adventurous explorer.

      Back to the female body. Most females don’t completely understand the mysteries of their own chassis until well into their twenties, which means the males have already spent years being bewildered over something that even the female’s are still trying to understand.  Once the male finally begins to master the smorgasbord of the feminine domain….she gets pregnant and then it’s a whole new menu with strange and confusing appetizers.

   

  Here are a few absolutes;

  Women like to be held with the illusion of being protected by you. This does not replace running away if attacked by hoodie cloaked assailants. I think it’s more symbolic and most likely a throwback to the days of Vikings and ravishing.

  Women want and need to be kissed. If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a woman, always give her the benefit of the doubt and kiss her. Whether you’re right or wrong in this maneuver….it will still be appreciated at some level.

  Women need to be touched and caressed. A woman’s whole life is her history of affections. It often works as a triggering mechanism, (see hormones). Explore what you adore. Remember; the loveliest distance between two points are the curves and guys, don’t neglect the triangles….as if you would.

      Now for a few incidentals. There’s the light touch of the tongue, running from a woman’s toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between. If done right, it will be the equivalent of the Halleluiah chorus announcing world peace. If poorly done….it’s still worth a song and who needs world peace anyway?   

      Next, a man’s face is the true chronicle of his life story….whereas, a woman’s face may well be her own work of fiction. Attention to a woman’s face must be done with caution and reverent scrutiny. Reference to large pores, pox marks, blemishes and wrinkles may very well end that special moment, (see episodes of C.S.I.). Women do not like to age, and if life were truly flexible, women would definitely have more than twelve years between the ages of twenty-eight and forty. The adage, ‘It’s not what’s on the outside, but what‘s on the inside that counts,’  is horse-shit until you reach your mid seventies.

      Now, while you’re exploring her body canvas, never make Neanderthal references to her weight or stretch marks. This will shroud an evening of lust like volcanic ash from mount Vesuvius and I don’t care if the guys got a chocolate penis that shoots out money, he‘s had it! Most women are weight challenged, and you need to remember that the most satisfying moments in a woman’s life is spotting women who are fatter than her.

      These special moments are done both in solitude and silence. Words are never necessary. To the man’s credit, most women like silent men because they often think they’re listening. And trust me when I say, that a woman can say more in a single sigh than a man can say in an hour long alibi.

      One final note before I post this and then delete all evidence of this blog from my computer….Women are works of art and a beauteous marvel of nature. No matter the age or body fat index, they are gorgeous to behold. Whether teaching at the front of a classroom or gyrating on a dance pole, they are all special. To all the women on Xanga, thanks for being women….(that didn’t make any sense).

                                                                                                                            Charlie 

   

   

   　

  　

  　

  • 8:16 pm
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