July 10, 2012
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Why We Should Eat Our Young……EARLY!
Cardiac arrester A father, passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow, and addressed to ‘Dad.’ With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad,
I’m really sorrow that I’m writing this to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend ‘Luna’ cause I wanted to skip any hassle with Mom and you. I’ve really been digging Luna and she’s so cool too. I knew you guys would be pissed and not approve of her cause of all the piercings, tattoos, hair colors and plus she’s a lot older than me. But it’ s not cause of the different kinds of cool sex with her or the group massages……Dad, we’re getting married cause she’s pregnant. Luna said that we will be real happy and stuff when we move in with Grit. Her friend Grit owns a trailer way off I-95 and he’s already got a stack of firewood for the whole winter. Luna and I share a dream of having lots of kids. Luna has also opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anybody. We’ll be growing it ourselves in Grit’s greenhouse and trading it off with the other people that live nearby for meth and ecstasy. What we sell will be for trips to the clinic cause of Luna’s AIDS so she’ll get better. She deserves it. O.K., don’t you and Mom worry, cause I’m 15 and know how to take care of myself. Someday, Luna and me will be back to visit so you can get to know all your grandchildren.
Love you guys,
Johnny
PS…..Dad, none of the above is true. I’m just over at Tommy’s house doing video games. I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it’s safe to come home.
Comments (20)
OMG. That kid is cruel.
My son really wanted kids and he must have been afraid that his “true love” couldn’t have a child because of difficullty with her first two boys. He came over one afternoon and asked me if there were any reason that I knew of (such as illness) that might have sterilized him. I replied no, nothing. Then he said, “Why isn’t she pregnant?” I said because you are not married yet. Then he said “What’s that got to do with anything?”
Tiimes they are a’changing.
Cruel, sure. But he’s also a flipping genius! Ha! I love this.
@mommachatter - Oh my yes…..
@IntoTheWind1 - Good ta see ya dropping by new friend.
I saw this, or a variation of it, a few years back. I, too, think of Jonathan Swift, when I read such things.
He better hope that he didn’t give his father a heart attack.
@RighteousBruin -
I think you’re talking about ‘A Modest Proposal,’ that he wrote around the time he did ‘Gulliver’s Travels’. Dickens also wrote several essays, (social humor) about London’s workhouse children as a good source of nutrition for parliament’s lavish banquets.
on the one hand, i really should dislike this (if only because i have a 15 year old daughter and i’d have to… yea, there’d be trouble. with a capital T.), but the reality is that i laughed my heiney off.
As you can see, Charlie. Those that master life know how to present it in all its factions.
Damn..i didn’t have this idea when i was in school. Super cool…
I’m so impressed! because i found a new idea that i didn’t have when i was young.Thanks
question voyance
LOL! The kid gets a hug for that one.
@UncCharlie - That’s the one. Dickens was also a master at poking at the rich and snotty.
I am sitting here laughing so hard I am about to wet myself. I am so surprised that my boys didn”t think of this one.
LOL wonder what the response of this mythical dad would have been…..
@greatredwoman - Military school
@Grannys_Place - Mine were all sneaky!
@greatredwoman - Tough love?