July 24, 2012

• How Not To Pick Up A Women…..

   

   

      “YOU COME HERE MUCH?”

   

      Every Friday night, I cruise the Tiki lounge at the Marriott for bimbos.  I had a plethora of standard lines I used such as, “You come here much?”….You wax much?”….”You karaoke much?”….”You follow Kim Kardashian much?”….“You twitter much?“….“You ballet dance much?“….all part of my verbal arsenal for bagging booty.

      Last Friday night it was slow and as usual, I sat alone at a small table sipping a Diet Coke and rum. Then she walked in! She wore a dark mauve colored dress that was supported by thin shoulder straps that defied physics as they held up the exotic veil that covered her veracious body. Her skin glowed like a swam of night fairies as it reflected the neon lights from behind the bar. As she entered the lounge, every heart arrested and then, in cadence, beat with every step she took. As she slid onto a barstool, the room swooned as weaker men took medications. Except for Voyeur Cam.com, I had never seen such a woman.

      She had raven black hair that cascaded down onto her supple shoulders like a velvet waterfall. Her butt remaindered him of the Mona Lisa….mesmerizing and too difficult to look away from. She ordered a Tequila Orgasm from the gay bartender who was fascinated in her beauty and hair style. She laid a small clutch purse, made of soft pliable leather, on the bar. It was most likely made from the scrodum of a past lover. If this goddess had demanded a sacrifice, I would have killed to get to the head of the line!

      Then I saw my chance! She reached into the clutch purse and withdrew a small ornate case and took out a cigarette. I jumped to my feet and quick stepped in her direction. As I passed a table of Japanese businessmen, I reached down and snatched up a gold cigarette lighter from the hand of a corporate samurai. Without breaking my stride, I continued on to the bar. As I mounted the stool next to her, I lifted my shaking hand and offered her a flame. She turned her celestial face towards me and concumed me with her violet eyes. Then she smiled. She sucked on the cigarette for a very long moment until it was lit. Then, with smoke slowly escaping from between her scarlet lips, she said, “Thank you.”  The cerebral effort to control my bladder was overwhelming. I sat there totally lost. My brain was numb and I was totally tongue tied as I began to drool. That’s when I heard my mouth say;

     “You put out much?”

   

   

   

  • 4:50 pm
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