September 12, 2012
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THE EMPEROR’S NEW SHOES
WELCOME TO MY EMPIREThere was once a mighty emperor that was abscessed with power and worldly vanity. Great was his empire and his people populated this vast domain like chicken feathers at a ‘Purdue’ poultry plant. But, his people were poor and often became a nuisance while begging for rice and electronics. The great Emperor soon summoned his advisors and servile lackeys. “What must be done to solve these problems?” he commanded. “The people must work so that they can buy rice and have electronics.” The advisors stood around in their resplendent uniforms garnished with great quantities of non-war medals and stared at the floor.
“Have a parade?” advised an advisor.
“Parades cost yuans,” retorted an elder officer holding an abacus.
“Build more factories so the people can build more tractors,” suggested a dorkie assistant dressed in his plain green uniform.
“We have too many tractors now and too many empty factories,” bellowed the mighty Emperor. “Find me solutions before the ‘hour of the Goat‘, this Wednesday afternoon, or else!”
Much to do was made of the great Emperor’s demands. Spy submarines and observation balloons were sent out….secret agents in thousands of buffet restaurants across America were sent coded fortune cookies. The question was simple….”How to make the Emperor rich and decadent.”
Long blog made short….an ambassador, named, Justa Weasel, came to the great Emperor from the Kingdom of NIKE and hatched a deal. Weasel informed his greatness, that for the cost of one Yankee union worker, the Emperor could hire four of his own workers! Work them 12 hours a day, six days a week and shoot those that were late for work. NIKE would supply materials from Korea, equipment and machinery from Japan and Mexico to fill the Emperor’s empty factories and finally, advisers and trainers from America.
Quickly, the alliance was struck and within a few years the Emperor’s empire was shoeing most of the NBA and South Compton. Then there were the short lived Puma and Adidas wars which quickly ended in the Emperor’s favor. The Emperors surplus tractors were then shipped to Saltillo, Mexico where they were painted green and then sold to the U.S. as John Deeres.
Soon the Emperor’s empire controlled the wave and surge of world commerce. In time, all of mankind will slave for the Emperor….beg for rice….and still pay $129, (726 yuan), for their cool shoes.
Comments (7)
An excellent allegory!
@slmret - Thanks love.
haha very good and unfortunately there is truth here but i must ask one question. isn’t abbacus that band from Sweden sans the parental rating?
You should have a column in a paper somewhere as well as sharing your stuff here at xanga. You’re pretty hilarious…and spot on.
@TheSutraDude - Don’t make fun of musical gods!!
@LastStopCrazyTown - I write for the Cloverdale Asylum newsletter when ever they allow me to have a pencil.
I’d have gone with the parade. Just sayin’.