November 10, 2011

• Being 64 and not dead yet….

   

  Being 64       Alright kids. This is what you have to look forward to; I wake up each morning stiff and sore over most of my body and then I slowly sit up to verify that I didn’t croak during the night. Once I look around to make sure I haven’t crapped the sheets during the night, I make the long walk to the bathroom ten feet away. I stand and hum a tune while I wait for my prostate to make up it’s mind and then I stumble over and brace myself over the sink to brush my remaining teeth. Wifey has already left for work and left the mirror steamed…..just one more thing to add to my list of things to deal with today. I dress in my cleanest battered sweat suit and slip into my stretched Docker loafers and waddle out to the kitchen. I check my medication roster and ingest the required milligrams of assorted colors and shapes. I get the coffee machine functioning and if I really feel ravenous I’ll have a bowl of bran flakes otherwise….I’ll have a bowl of bran flakes. I sit at the kitchen table with my meal and watch the three news stooges on Fox. After cleaning up spilt milk I’m ready for my crossword puzzle book which I keep next to the indoor plumbing. With coffee cup in hand I go to decipher today’s word-a-gram. I may do a few chores off the honey-do list or just sit and vegetate to the news recaps for an hour. At some point I’ll finally have enough of media torment and I’ll get up and go log into Xanga. Here I will visit, complain, joke and create for the next hour or so as I wait for lunch time. For lunch I will make a toasted “BLT” but without the “B”. A glass of tea sweetened with something made by DuPont in China and a piece of fruit….like half a watermelon if possible. I clean up the lunch debris and then make a few phone calls. A quick call to my 84 year old Mom to say hi and listen to her tell me that people need to worry more about Europe and Hitler….bless her heart. I usually call one of my kids and ask if they’re still married or if anymore grandkids are in production. Last call is to Wifey to say “hi-love ya-bye“. It’s around 1 pm and that means I need to slow down and take a break, so I take my nap. An hour or so passes and I wake up stiff and sore over most of my body. I slowly sit up to verify that I didn’t croak during my nap. Once I look around to make sure I haven’t crapped the sheets, I make the long walk to the bathroom. I stand and hum another tune while I wait for my prostate to make up it’s mind again. Now it’s time to exercise so I walk out to the mailbox and on the way I get a wave from my goofy neighbor from the foreign country to the north who comes down here for half the year and then, thankfully, disappears again. “Hi ya Charlie, eh!” he calls out. “Gonna be getting chilly tonight, best get ya Ski-Doo jacket out, eh?” “Fuck you, eh?” I reply. I get my mail and waddle back to the house. Once I’m safe inside I peek out the blinds to make sure he’s not doing something foreign close to my property. I start planning the evening meal. I do all the cooking as long as I’m retired and Wifey still works. Once she retires then we’ll start eating at our different kid’s houses each night or at Hooters on free pitcher night, (Lite beer). Anyway, when she gets home we will have a nice dinner and I will tell her the kind of day I’ve had and how I dealt with different issues and decisions. If anything interesting happened to her that day which involved a SWAT team, paramedics, terrorist or nudity she will then tell me, if not, she’ll just keep quiet and respectfully bob her head. Lately, it seems, she just keeps quiet out of sympathy….go figure. Well, after we eat we then sit back and enjoy some TV. Often DVD’s or during certain parts of the year “American Idol”. After a while she will hint that she’s getting sleepy by giving out loud snorts and gag reflexes as she lays on the sofa. She gets up and kisses me goodnight. I then go into my den and visit Xanga for a while and when my head starts to bob from reading a mind atrophying post on politics, I will then call it a full and rewarding day and go to bed. There, I will dream my favorite dream of my goalie neighbor being snatched out of his yard by a giant Florida eagle and…….sorry, eh?

  • 4:44 am
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