August 24, 2012

• Women are complicated and men are orangutans!

                  ORANGUTANOSITY

   

      LISTEN!! …..I‘m an elder now, so my advice should carry some weight with a lot of you younger guys. Here is my life long summation put into one sentence.  ‘Women are irreversibly complicated’! There are so many assorted categories of their complexities, which are then subdivided and cross referenced to other feminine sub-categories, which go so deep into the psyche of female awareness that in comparison, most men would be lucky to compete with the mental disposition of an adult orangutan. Women are complex and they are sneaky!

      No…..the ‘Space Station’ is complex, women are beyond that. They are the swirling ‘black holes’ of humanity. NO!….I don‘t mean it like that! I mean like the out of space black holes and no I don‘t mean spaced out black holes in the sense that women are spacey…..I’m starting to sound like an orangutan. I just mean they are quantum complicated. I’ve already got a headache and I’ve just started.

      Eve made it clear who was in charge when she made Adam run around fetching tossed apples like a dachshund. She understood the significance of controlling man; basically with food. Then when man got stupid and bit into the apple of knowledge and saw she was naked….well then, food took on a secondary priority in the control of man. Now, this would have been all well and dandy except Mr. G stepped in and foreclosed on the garden dwelling and they were out on their fig leafs. At this point, man became dumbfounded and spent the next mega thousand years doing the woman’s bidding.

      Oh sure, he thought he was in charge. “Storm the city and slay everyone, except the women!”……“Women and children first!”…..“Here come da injuns, protect the women folk!”….“Here come the Greeks, hide Helen!“ Sly….very sly. It’s automatic. We don’t know any better or even care because our brains don’t work that well and we belong swinging in treetops.

      Women can start any conversation with the word “why”, and the guy will break out in a sweat and have multiple brain infarctions while his synapses implode in an effort to recall any current violations of “woman law” he may have recently committed. This will occur in the left side of his brain, while the right side is busy composing vague and outrageous excuses. At this point a man is very vulnerable and the woman knows it. The signs are often the far away glazed look and open mouth stutter.

      “Why…..don’t you give me some money for shopping, hon,” she will say in her Shirley Temple voice.

      “……yes…..money…..take……I sorry”…..the orangutan husband will reply.

      Now, I will conclude this life long ‘deposition’ with this accurate summation. Women are vital to men for purging their hormonal ecstasy and grooming their male egos. Men are vital to women for the same reason zoos are built. Women like orangutans.

   

   

   

   

  • 10:40 pm
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