November 2, 2012
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Deliver me from the DMV and cholera!!!
THE DMV
There are fundamentally two kinds of people on this giant spinning moss rock. There are those I like and those I don’t like. I can’t believe it took me all these decades to organize that state of mind. Now, it does pose a dilemma. Too many of those I don’t like invade my everyday space like creeping cholera. These are the cretins I encounter in traffic, the grocery store, my neighbor with the purple shutters and the car that camps out in front of me at the Wendy’s drive thru. But….it’s the assorted bureaucrats that occupy all the state and county offices that really crunch my huckleberries. Here they scurry behind their protective barriers like Neanderthals on mushrooms, while they maintain a vigilance of some large electronic clock as it silently ticks towards their next union break.
Recently, I had to report to the DMV to update my old worn out driver’s license from Roman numerals to regular numbers. The DMV waiting room looked like there was an open audition for the Jerry Springer show. I obediently took a number and sat down next to a large woman with fish tattooed on her left leg. The large fish were swimming up her thigh and entering under her shorts as they migrated up the Amazon to spawn. I looked down at my ticket stub and saw that it was #85. The big digital sign on the wall said they were currently rescuing # 51! Crap ta mighty!
Almost an hour and a half later, I was summoned. My back was now stiff and my butt ached as I waddled like Quasimodo up to the narrow peek-a-boo window.
“Yes, I help you please?” said a tax paid employee with the name tag- Mrs. Sanchez.
“My drivers license has expired.”
“Okay. I give you new one. You give me old one please.”
“I handed her my old laminated license that had been my wallet’s mate for the last eight years. She stared at it for a moment and then started pecking on her computer.
“You have same address, yes?”
“Yes. But, my weight has changed,” I added.
“Oy, I see that, but is no longer put on license.” I didn’t like her snide comment. “You donate organ, yes?”
“At my age, no one would take the chance,” I laughed. She gave me the kind of look you get when someone catches you wiping a booger on your car seat.
“Sign here…..$25 please….you stand on X for picture and not talk.” I was totally obedience, as I was getting euphorically high knowing I was almost finished and out the door. Ten minutes later, an angry little civil servant called my name and I was presented with my new shiny drivers license. I noticed that I had only one eye open when the picture was taken. Now I had to remember, if I was ever pulled over by the cops, that I needed to keep one eye closed.
Most of this is true, except for the made up parts……..Charlie
Comments (10)
i was at the dmv this afternoon. seems like 100% truth to me.
hahahaha….great story. Very much like the DMV here.
I got mine renewed last month and the line was long, out the door til hubby let a fart. That”s why I took him with me. He runs into people with his walker and then when he wants to move his oxygen tanks after I get him sat down, he mows over any toes in his reach. He then burps and looks at me while I am in line like I did it and the people around him sit and look at him like he is nuts as it is only obvious he did it. He then will start squirming in his seat and eventually lip a cheek and let out a fart even the deaf can hear.
Yep I sure do love that charmin fella:):)
That’s why I go to the DMV in my parents’ home town. The longest I had to wait was 5 minutes because some guy had to get a registration for all of his horse carts (or something).
Sounds like our DMV’s in CA — and ours fill up with teens in the mid-afternoon — getting their first licenses! The good thing is that the licenses usually last 5 years, and if you drive without incident, they are renewable by mail. I had my last license for 20 or 25 years before I had to actually go in to the DMV! And the car plates can be renewed at AAA, where the lines are a bit smaller.
We make appointments here but the same shade of interesting colors the line to the counter too. I am going two times in a week this week. And yea, it is costing me. Have a great weekend.
Haha! You have to love the dmv!..or not! ;)
I should have sent in my letter and registered by mail…call me dumb. I have heard of the long lines and my only guess is that the state trimmed the budget by laying some of them off. 8 years ago when I got mine I suppose I was in line 15 minutes. I am faced with the quandery of not being able to stand even that long and I am unsure about taking my little go cart, they could question my ability to drive. Actually I don’t drive, or haven’t but for one emergency trip to the hospital when my husband sliced his hand rather than the roast. But if I don’t have a drivers license even that option eludes me. I haven’t driven for 4-5 years and although inconvenient with all my doctor appointments I am fairly content in not drivingor when I want Bobby to go to the store for necessities and NASCAR is on. Next Sunday is the last race of the season and strangely enough I am going to miss it somehow. It is something that I deliberately learned that he liked and so it is fun to watch with him.
Sorry you had so much trouble and if/when they pull you over just tell them the girl behind the counter was “HOT!”
I’m so happy to be a part of your blog.I really like what you share with us.
Bichon maltais
I
take your site to wish a very Happy New Year 2013 to everyone and hope
that this year, despite pessimistic forecasts, will still be good for
those I love.
Soon.
voyance pure